Please Live! Don’t die :'(

{Informative} {Blog} {Journal Confessions}

Trigger warning: This article does talk about suicide stories and difficult subjects. Please discontinue reading if you find it too disturbing.

Intro

The month of September is National Suicide Prevention Month. A time to bring remembrance and attention to a very serious act of grief that impacts many lives, and at least sometimes, may be able to be prevented.

I know survivors and I am one, so I hope that I can bring a message of sober hope to anyone who needs it or anyone who can share it with someone who may need it.

Suicide has unfortunately, probably affected all of us in one way or another. It’s prevalence has become far too common and the more help and resources we have, the better prepared we can be to help ourselves or someone else in need.

Life is hard, but sometimes it gets easier and sometimes we can help it get easier by the actions and attitudes we bring to the world. And if you’re spiritual, by the prayers we offer & grace we receive.

When things don’t go how we want, how we expect, how we never anticipated, it’s key to having the strength to get through those times.

Sometimes we can’t find that strength on our own and need to reach out for help, other times we are the only ones who can bring ourselves to a place that defies human logic and understanding and simply believes in hope for better days or appreciates the day for what it’s worth.

I used to repeatedly tell one of my friends during times of unusual hardship, “Things will get better” when I really had no reason to believe they would, but eventually they did.

If you give up, you might never find out how good the world can be to you. I’m living proof that it can happen. Things might not get better, but I think it’s worth the risk of living to find out. At the end of the day, I’m grateful for the gift of life that’s been granted to me. I’m content with the gift of life, since I think it’s the greatest gift we can receive.

After that, what we choose to do with that gift can give us purpose for living a life we can be proud of and not take for granted, starting at any moment in time.

Personal Story

I first learned of suicide at the young age of 12 when my school classmate took his life. It impacted the whole school and community. It’s hard to imagine what could convince someone so young to make such a terrible choice, but it happens. Tragically, it happens.

Even though I didn’t have a particularly close relationship with him, he was the first boy to ever kiss me (on the cheek) and the first boy I danced with in the school dances.

Because I’d had an encounter with him not long before he passed, I carried the guilt for a long time that maybe I could have done something to prevent him. And by a long time, I mean into adulthood, since I never discussed it with anyone.

We were at church camp and I was meeting up with one of my girl friends when Josey intersected us. He said hey with a shy smile and tried to make conversation with me -literally, the shyest girl in existence at our school. Not having a clue how to keep a conversation going and not wanting to keep my friend waiting, I moved on. But, she reprimanded me, knowing he was a troubled soul and said I should have talked to him more. “I didn’t know what to say!” I told her.

I didn’t think much of it until after I heard the news. Then, it became a moment in time I wished I could have got a do-over with, but since I couldn’t, I swore to myself that I would learn how to talk better. So many years later, I must confess, it’s still a painful challenge, but I have improved a great deal through counseling, self-development books, online videos and real-life trial and error…And Writing! 😉

But, I’ve also learned that how much you’re able to communicate doesn’t necessarily equate to how well received your communication is. Understanding how to relate to people has a lot to do with relat-ionships and speaking in a way that provides trust and safety through authenticity goes further, but may be harder to accomplish.

Sometimes no words can accomplish this. Sometimes silence is the best form of communication. So, knowing when to speak and when to keep silent can get complicated… and that’s probably the majority of problems we have in the world. 🙂

To make this story even more depressing… Some years later when I was a teen (I think), we started going to a church that his family attended, and his older brother would often sit with me or chat with me, sometimes we’d talk on the phone.

I thought it was my chance to make it up to Josey, but within maybe a year or two, his brother overdosed on the same day of Josey’s birthday, which his family still used as a memorial celebration for him.

So devastating. I can’t imagine how heartbroken his mother was, but she’s a strong woman.

During that same period of my life, another boy at the church gave me a suicide note which I took to the youth ministers and told the other kids to stop picking on him, but he too, not only took his own life but also his brother’s.

Very heavy memories. And yes, I have before felt like the female version of “Meet Joe Black”, somehow attracting people who are soon destined to leave earth. But, my story isn’t isolated. Again, almost everyone I know has been touched in one way or another by suicide or tragic deaths, so it’s not conducive to get in the mentality that “it’s just me.”

One day, after finding some helpless baby deer and trying to save them -thinking they would be taken to an animal rescue, but being informed they had to stay part of the “cycle of life”, I had a meltdown to the point it made me recognize I had a deeper issue. After witnessing losing a best friend in a freak accident and losing my husband due to illness, it got to be too much.

At this time, God helped me by saying, “Love them while you’ve got them.”

I had to let go of my control of the impermanence of life and trust that whatever or whoever came into my life, for however long a period, must be cherished for what it’s worth.

Whatever gifts of life I get to be a part of are worth it while they’re here. I don’t control what comes to me or what’s taken from me, but I can appreciate it while I have it. As the prophet Job said, “The LORD gives and the LORD takes away: Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

And the way I see it, if someone can look at my life and be like, “Well, at least my life isn’t that tragic.” Maybe they’ll feel better about themselves. ;-p

But still, I count my blessings every day and try to keep on the bright side. There are so many beautiful things that happen in life, too. There are so many positive experiences I’ve had. Those moments must be given their due worth and gratitude or life will get unbalanced, and the darkness will outweigh the light.

Moving on to the next personal story…

(Please feel free to break before reading on, if necessary.)

Summer Killjoy

A few months ago, during summer, life hit me unusually hard. I lost 3 sources of income almost all at once, and even though I’ve been in that situation before, it really tested my spirit.

I think mostly due to the fact that I’d finally had only two previous weeks of feeling some sense of normalcy and routine and having a stable home life for my son, before it abruptly ended and put me back in survival mode.

During that time, due to my affinity and allurement with Japanese culture, I found this cover song of Mafu Mafu’s “Hated by Life Itself” to be encouraging and help me get through.

(Please turn on captions for English or your language preference.)

I know how it feels to believe the universe itself hates you, but I promise you, if you don’t give up, and you care more about your character and how you treat others more than anything else you can gain, things will get better.

There are endless YouTube “reactions” to Mafu Mafu’s original version, which became a hit and was recognized for being produced singularly by a hikikomori (hermit/shut-in) and because of his raw emotion expressed through the song. What I would call a “soul cry”.

Japanese Anime

No Longer Allowed In Another World

Suicide is nothing to laugh about, but if you are going to laugh, “No Longer Allowed In Another World”, a Japanese anime that came out last year that I found pretty funny, in a demented sort of way, (even though I only watched 2-3 episodes).

A couple attempts un-aliving themselves and the man is sent to another world instead of finding the rest he desired in death with his beloved.

He’s given the opportunity to prove he’s worthy of another chance at life. The only problem is, he doesn’t want it, and he keeps trying to die while the priestess assigned to him tries to figure out how he will even survive the fantasy world with no skills or life energy.

As the story continues, he is saved by dying and saves others in the process. I can’t in good conscience actually recommend anyone watch this due to the subject of the content, or especially past the first episode since the same theme is far too redundant for my taste and again, certainly demented, but if you so wish to, the full first episode will be listed in the references below.

The only reason I skipped to the end was because the moral of the story revolved around his only ability being a writer and finding out that he could change reality by essentially writing it in.

“A man with incredibly bad luck, being even denied his desire to just die. Because he does not care about anything but attempting to find his girlfriend to complete the suicide pact, his terrible luck causes nothing but increasing amounts of headaches for him; all his bad luck translates to good luck for everyone he ignores while passing through. His ability, Storyteller, triggers effects based on the stories he writes. Most notably, sending otherworlders back to Earth.” –Fandom

Of course this moral resonates with my own attempts in writing as I’ve found personal journaling to be one of the most effective forms of therapy for me and often a way to find a brighter path, a more positive outlook.

It also reminds me of the book of Enoch¹, in which Enoch was called “a scribe of righteousness.”

The idea that Enoch was writing a good story for himself through his righteousness has been a source of character motivation for me. Sometimes we can get stuck in stories that other people have molded for us or that we’ve believed about ourselves, but when you start taking control of the pen and start writing your own destiny, you just may find it manifesting itself in real life.

I do believe in fate, and that much of our lives cannot be controlled by ourselves alone, but we make choices every day that are our choices to make and sometimes we can see the direct impact and consequences of these actions, good or bad, and sometimes we can’t.

Sometimes, we have to wait and see how things will play out in the course of time. It’s all about balance and living in harmony with what we can and can’t control, and accepting our role in each.

Believing we have no control over our destiny will surely lead to a life of misery, but believing we can control our destiny in full will also surely lead to misery. We have to accept what is.

Another good moral life lesson from No Longer Allowed In Another World is when the main character finally finds his girlfriend, but she’s no longer interested in the new him. This mimics the real life growth we experience when we outgrow unhealthy relationships or when others are naturally repelled by the new character they see.

A Silent Voice

There’s also another Japanese anime that addresses the issue of suicide ideation with a more positive ending called “A Silent Voice” or Koe No Katachi, in Japanese. (This one I DO recommend to mature audiences.)

The story of an abused and bullied deaf girl by her classmates, specifically Shoyu, who causes her to have to transfer schools and ruins his reputation. He plans to end his life, but turns course when his mom finds out and is given new hope in attempting to be friends with the deaf girl after he graduates to the school she’s at.

In this movie, the talk of suicide is only mentioned briefly in the beginning and another later episode toward the end.

The rest focuses on the power of forgiveness, character maturity, friendship, and reconciliation. The two develop a sweet relationship, but still have a lot to overcome.

Not to spoil it for anyone who plans to watch it, but my favorite part of the movie is when Shoyu begins to experience feeling true happiness again after he’s reunited with his group of friends and wondering if it’s okay to feel that good. Something I’ve recently experienced after similarly being reunited with multiple friends I’d been estranged from.

It is a long movie, at 2 hrs, but it’s positively impacted a lot of those who have seen it and is a great way to end an article with hope that not everyone dies and not every story ends the same way.

So to everyone who’s going through difficult times, hang in there and don’t give up! And to everyone who feels like the gap between who you are and who you want to be is too far to reach –keep reaching, keep believing, keep trying, keep hoping for better days!

Be real when you need to be real, but stay focused on the positive more often than not!

If you ever need someone to talk to, please writeme@angleandperspective.com or find someone local or use the resources I’ve provided below.

Live today and die another day.

Living life to the fullest,

iam:Forever Blessed