Fathers and Daughters

{Journal Confessions} / {Informative}

Happy Father’s Day everyone,

I was recently feeling a bit of nostalgia for watching the movie Fathers and Daughters¹ after seeing it once some years ago. The story of an endearing father who nicknames his daughter “Potato Chip,” and who’s left struggling to raise her by himself after tragically losing his wife in car collision caused by an infidelity argument.

Due to the incident, the father is left with brain damage and experiences seizures and a mental health crisis that forces him to do what’s best for himself and his daughter… taking some time off to recover at a facility. Katie, the daughter, reluctantly stays with relatives, but eventually adapts. After some time they’re reunited, but his wealthier sister vies to adopt Katie and the battle with his seizures ends up taking his life while she’s still a child.

The story goes back and forth between the father and the daughter’s adulthood struggles as she tries to cope with the absence of her father, overcome destructive behaviors, and struggle to find meaningful connections in love, and with the little girl assigned to her as a caseworker.

The movie stars Russell Crowe, (whom a lot of people say reminds them of my dad, and I agree), and can be watched for free (if you’re interested) on YouTube, but not Amazon Prime.

It’s a tear-jerker of a movie, but has a happy-ish ending and the moral of the story can’t be missed or forgotten:

The irreplaceable father-daughter bond.

And secondly, the bitterness of beautiful life.

(random image, credits below)

The Need For Good Fathers

In a time when we’re led to believe what’s most important is what’s going on in the news, politics, entertainment or elsewhere, the story of the need for good fathers must be prioritized.

As a widowed mom, I know the struggles of single parenting -and how God never intended a child born by two parents to be raised by only one; but in our culture, families are often broken and many children grow up with the absence of one or more parents, often creating generations of trauma to overcome.

“In the United States today, more than 23 million children live in a single-parent family. This total, has risen over the last half century and currently covers about one in every three kids across America.” “A number of long-term demographic trends have fueled this increase, including: marrying later, declining marriage rates, increasing divorce rates and an uptick in babies born to single mothers.”²

“Within single-parent families, most children — 14.3 million — live in mother-only households. More than 6 million kids live with cohabiting parents and about 3.5 million kids live in father-only households, according to 2022 estimates.”³

Why does it matter?

Research and personal stories show that it does.

According to the Fatherless Boys Foundation, the effects of growing up without a dad can lead to…

More Likely to be Aggressive
More Likely to Be Depressed
More Likely to Have Low Self-Esteem
More Likely to Do Poorly in Schools
More Likely to Be Incarcerated and to Commit Suicide
More Likely to Use Drugs

Regardless of statistics, I encourage anyone who wants to overcome the challenges of parental absence to get help through learning more from the below resources, get help through counseling and support groups, role models, mentors, acknowledging anger and forgiveness.

To get the breakdown on these issues and coping strategies, please visit:
https://fatherlessboysfoundation.org/blog/f/psychological-effects-of-growing-up-without-a-father

For some great resources on being a good father, please visit:
National Fatherhood Initiative
https://www.fatherhood.org/father-absence-statistic

(random image, credits below)

Personal Stories

When I was a kid, I grew up very close to my Dad*. For most of my childhood I was closer to my Dad than I was to my Mom. In fact, I was such the spitting image of my Dad that adults would often say, “Here comes, Dale Jr.” Eventually people let me outgrow it, but I remember one lady in particular at our church -who I was fond of, but she prolonged my off-gendered nickname longer than anyone else. She’d see me and get this big grin and say, “Hey, Little Dale!”

In hindsight, I’m not sure whether it was really a term of endearment or a warning of our mutually-held shy-but-extremely-stubborn disposition…??….

My Dad and I shared the bond of being the only lefties in the family and he favored me for my physical fitness and (sometimes) submissiveness. Over the years, I’ve had to swallow my pride on the physical fitness due to the onset of hereditary CMT progressing, causing me to lose some strength and stamina, but I’m still grateful that I’m as strong as I am. I’ll go ahead and skip commenting on my level of submissiveness at this stage of my life o.@…

*written with parental consent

I had a good childhood and some of my fond memories of me and my dad are… when I was a toddler, I would endlessly crawl away from him on the waterbed in a onsie and just as soon as I almost got away he’d grab me by my ankles and slide me back to start. Then we’d tackle him (my siblings and I) and try to get away again.

Otherwise, we’d play Atari or eat chicken noodle soup or spinach in our favorite shared bowls and watch Star Trek, Chuck Norris or documentaries.

The worst part of my childhood was feeding slop to the pigs my dad decided to get one time and watering the chickens, but into adulthood I came to appreciate the work ethic he’d instilled in me that allowed me to prosper in my jobs.

One of the conversations I remember with my Dad when I was probably preteen or so… I thought I was going to be the genius who saved his company millions of dollars by inventing a magnetically engineered conveyor belt system using primarily magnetic energy. He assured me if it were possible, someone had probably already thought of it and tried it

Still, I credit him for my entrepreneurial spirit. Even though he only owned a company for a short time, I distinctly remember building a tower with waffle blocks (if you didn’t have waffle blocks as a kid, you missed out!) that would be my future company.

…Speaking of magnets ;-p… I’ve been trying to find somewhere to slide in this cool video into (that I have no other purpose for), so I’ll take this opportunity to do so for anyone else who might be nerdy enough to think it’s as fascinating as I do.

In my adolescence, as I began to grow into a woman, I shifted to a closer relationship with my Mom. The relationship between my Dad and I became more strained as I felt less relatable and due to just going through typical teenage rebellion.

A few years after I moved out of my parents house as an adult, they moved to another state, leaving me with some feelings of abandonment during a time when I wasn’t quite sure I knew how to be an adult without them, but I did fairly well for myself until multiple events led to a mental breakdown.

After losing my college scholarship, jobs due to being laid-off and having health issues, I was feeling pretty low. And in seeking companionship, ended up dating a guy I hadn’t seen since childhood …who turned out to be married…yeah, his wife wasn’t happy when she found out about me… and things took a very destructive spiral for me from there. And Daddy came to the rescue and I moved back in with he and my Mom for a short time.

All that to say… Even a short absence in the presence of father can have deeply impacting consequences. And I have no problem revealing my shame if it helps someone else or contributes to being more human in a dehumanizing time. And to be clear, I take full responsibility for my actions and don’t blame my Dad for doing things he taught me better on, but I share these things to show how important Dads are and how much worse things might be for someone who’s father was never there ever, for example.

I’m happy to say, the relationship with my Dad has begun to restore and I hope, that as I’ve matured and as he has, we will be able to continue a better relationship.

This is a picture of the Father’s Day gift I gave my Dad on behalf of myself and my siblings, to which he said, “You’re gonna make me cry.” (definitely a win ;)) I only had two hours to get it done and I rarely paint, so don’t judge too harshly.

Closing Advice…

This article isn’t just meant for fathers and daughters, it’s meant for fathers and sons, fathers and children altogether. Again, I have a fatherless child, and even though he’s never even known his father outside of 2 short months as a newborn, it still affects him more than I ever imagined it would. Still, I have hope that he will be able to have a perfectly healthy family or single-mission life when he’s grown, as I teach him everything I know to live well and overcome difficult challenges.

If you’re an adult child who’s parents are still within reach, do what you can to keep good relations, never be afraid to try again and always remember, no matter what, that you’re here because of them!

If you’re a Dad and you’re not sure if you’re making the cut with your kids, you could always ask them directly, “How could I be a better father?” If you think they won’t answer on the spot, give them some time to think about it and get back with you. If you’re rocking it, keep up the good work! Great fathers are what our world needs more than anything else!!!

This is one of my favorite father-son talks on the web. A very raw, open dialogue between a father and son who had some reconciliation to do between each other when the father was absent for some time in his son’s life, and they do so in a very respectful manner.

In a time when so many families are being torn apart by the wars in Russia, Ukraine, Gaza, Israel, ICE raids or immigration crackdowns, even natural disasters and poverty, I’m more grateful than ever that I’m not facing the heart-wrenching difficulty of being estranged from my child/children/family. But…I don’t want to take that level of comfort for granted and forget or ignore the plight of so many children who are torn from their parents and the lasting impacts that follow.

So, if this is a subject that matters to you, I’ll be sharing some of their stories soon in upcoming articles.

If you think it’s a subject that others should care about, please consider sharing this article with someone you know.

Lastly, I can’t talk about fathers without giving due recognition to my Heavenly Father, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and of my Lord and Savior, Yeshua/Jesus Christ, who is forever blessed, who has blessed me beyond measure, who I seek to know personally and spiritually and who has taught me more about good fathers than anyone else.

(Fathers and daughters link below (language disclaimer))

Happy Father’s Day,

iam:ForeverBlessed